When Love Deserves A Second Chance – And When It Doesn’t
Does it really all just boil down to timing?
It’s been said to death that everyone deserves a second chance. And sure, when it comes to things like work and leaving the toilet seat up, this saying definitely applies. But when it comes to relationships—especially romantic ones— is the case still the same?
The end of a romance is never actually the last chapter of a relationship. We can all attest to the fact that regret, guilt and second-guessing usually comes after a breakup, primarily because the idea of closure is a funny thing. It’s what we all look for and we feel that, without it, the door is always open to another chance.
But is it ever a good idea to revisit and reignite a past love?
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When love deserves a second chance
When (good) change is genuine and heartfelt. Research suggests that personalities aren’t set in stone and that people actually can learn from their mistakes. If change is evident and you don’t need to be convinced of this, then maybe you can let yourself get swayed into trying things again.
When you’re both committed to making it work. You can never erase what happened in the past, but if both parties are still willing to try and make the relationship work, then why not? Just remember that moving forward has to be an intentional act at this point and you both have to actively change previous dynamics.
If they bring out the best in you. There are people that take inspiration from their significant other, whether it means working harder in their career or working on themselves. If you found that person and you know that they’re a good influence on you, you know how hard it is to replicate that feeling with anyone else.
If it will make you happy. Let’s face it, we love who we love and we’re attracted to who we’re attracted to. There are people out there that we just feel a unique and undeniable connection with—and sometimes our minds and hearts can’t be at ease unless we take that plunge one more time.
And when it doesn’t
When it still hurts. Breakups of any kind inflict some level of pain. If you haven’t moved past that and if you haven’t gotten over whatever caused the end of your relationship, it might be best not to go back to it. Grudges are a difficult thing to let go off and it definitely shouldn’t be buried beneath the roots of a relationship.
When it isn’t good for you. Some people are just toxic, no matter how much we love them. They make us crazy and paranoid and generally leave us unraveled. When this is the situation, just walk away. It may mean letting go of something real, but it also means keeping yourself together and keeping yourself sane.
When you’re lonely. Loneliness is a feeling that’s hard to shake off, especially since most of us feel like the only way to cure it is to be with someone else. First of all, that isn’t the case. It is completely possible to feel whole by yourself (and you should). Secondly, jumping back into a relationship simply because you need to fill something you think is lacking is unfair for everyone involved.
If you’re just looking for something comfortable. Routines are hard to shake off and comfort zones are called so because they give us a sense of calm. But a relationship should be more than just something to do or fill your day with. Craving the familiar isn’t a reason to return to a relationship that didn’t work out the first time.
Of course, every situation is different. No one can tell you whether or not you should get back together with an ex. That choice is yours alone to make and live with. You know yourself better than anyone and you remember how it was like being with them, both in good and in bad times. And when it all boils down to it, the only question you need to ask yourself is: Do I still want that?